He is STILL There

I would like to apologize for the huge gap from my last post.  I had a trial of faith and other big moments happening.  I have moved twice.  I am now a stay-at-home mom.  It is harder than I had imagined and the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.  Spring soccer is coming up and I am so excited to see the kids play.  We are learning the ropes of school and it has been an adjustment for ALL of us.  I am thankful I get to enjoy these kids as much as possible.  I would like to share with you how I found that Heavenly Father loves me no matter what.

One night I was getting the kids ready so we could go take rent to the landlord.  I had gotten them all ready and told them to go out to the car so we could go as soon as I finished putting my own shoes on.  I finished filling out the envelope for the check, stuck the check inside and sealed it.  I bent down to tie my shoes, got up and BOOM the envelope with the check is GONE.  I started going through everything on my desk, lifting the keyboard and monitor.  Nothing.  I hadn't moved 12 inches, but I went to the other half of the room and tore apart my couch, lifting the cushions and the couch itself.  Still, nothing.  I went outside and asked the kids if they had taken it out to help me.  NOPE.  I was starting to panic.  Everything I had was in that check.  What on earth was I going to do?!  Then I heard a whisper "Pray for help to find it."  I yelled back, partly because I was upset about losing this check and partly because I was furious with God at that point in my life, "I don't believe you can help me!"  Then a voice even more gentle than the first said "would you please stop being mad at me for one moment so I can help you?"  He knew I was mad at Him, so why was he offering to help me?  I got all the kids in the living room and asked my oldest son to pray to Heavenly Father asking for his help in finding this check.  He said a beautiful prayer.  However, did you see what I did?  I was told to pray about it and I didn't want to, so I asked someone else to do it for me.  After a while looking I heard "I asked you to pray for help"  So this time I listened and went into my room and was very honest in how I felt.  I said "I don't have a testimony that you help people find things.  I have heard President Thomas S. Monson tell of a time he prayed to you to help him find his paper route money.  So I guess I will go off of his testimony that you can help us find what we are looking for."  I closed the prayer and saw in my mind two distinct places where it was not.  I continued to look in other places. Another half hour passed.  I gave in and went to those two places I knew it couldn't be.  As I came back from those places, because it wasn't there, in the middle of my floor was the envelope!! It was wrinkled.  I must have walked over that spot a thousand times.  How it got there I don't even know.  I called the children in and asked Davin to say another prayer thanking Heavenly Father for helping us find the important envelope.  He did, as I cried throughout the prayer.  I later thanked Heavenly Father, on my own, for teaching me a valuable lesson.  I sobbed through the entire prayer.  I was humbled.  Because I was humbled I was able
able to grow and learn what he wanted me to learn.

I am thankful that Heavenly Father took the time to help me remember He was and is always there.  He loves us even when we are angry with Him for whatever reason.  I also learned that its okay to be honest to Heavenly Father in our shortcomings.  He loves us no matter what our weaknesses are and he wants to help us refine ourselves.  He doesn't want us to feel alone, although in this life it is easy to feel alone. 

I testify that He is there for us no matter what.  If we reach out to Him, He will help us find what we think is impossible to find.  This lesson also taught me to always be thankful.  When I said "Thank you" to Him it was like a significant part of my anger went away.  By saying thank you part of me was healed.  He is there waiting to help you.  He wants you to be happy.  He wants to heal our hearts.