My angel, My Grandpa

My grandpa was a strong, gentle, loving person.  I have many great memories of him.  Most of my memories are of his favorite place, the cabin at Birch Creek.  He always wrapped his arms around me, asked how I was, and gave me advice to stay away from boys.  I always knew he loved me.  I still picture him as a quiet man, with a contagious laugh.  I remember the first time I really heard him belly laugh we were at great grandma Manning's house, she had made us bread and jam to take home, I don't remember what was said but he was laughing harder than I had ever seen him laugh.  Getting into the car to leave that night I told my mom "I think that is the best laugh I have ever heard." 

In 2005 my grandpa was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  I was able to go to the Emergency Room to see him, when he was first sick.   I remember walking into the hospital and not sure what was really happening, when I saw my uncle crying I lost it.  Grandma took me in to see grandpa in his sheet walled room.  He held my hand and talked to me for about a half hour.  I listened intently because I had never had a connection like this with him.   He told me what kind of person I was, and how happy I would make people around me.  He explained how I needed to help others feel comfortable with who they were.  I needed to show them love and kindness, be a support to them.  He told me that each person who comes into my life is there for a reason, and usually the reason is they need kindness and I am to provide that. He told me many things that had been stated in a blessing I had received 4 years earlier.  I remember the feeling of his hand holding mine and the love that filled the room at that moment. 

I would visit a couple times between December and the night before he died.  The last time he and I had a conversation, he was frustrated.  He was learning basic things we learn as a child.  He kept saying "I have already learned this, why do I have to do this again?"  I had never seen him frustrated like this.  He was always very level headed and calm.

The morning and days to follow his death our cousins, from all over the country, would tell their stories about how they knew he had died before being told.  Everyone had great experiences.  I felt sad, I remember calling out to him and saying "Please say goodbye to me."  I would not receive what I was hoping for, for 7 years.  I had not known it but he had become my angel.

This week was his birthday and would turn my thoughts to the amazing experience I have had with him over the last few months, and the gratitude I have for him in allowing me to know he IS THERE FOR ME.  The moments my world dissolved would prove that he was beside me.  On my drive to my mom's house I knew it was my grandpa that was beside me.  I had taken a wrong exit and fog began to fill my windshield.  My grandpa's voice came to me and said "your life is going through its own fog right now but I promise it will clear and you will see everything.  Call grandma Joan she has lived through this very thing. She will be a great support to you as you journey through this."

He had been married twice before meeting grandma Joan.  Grandma would say he was her Romeo and he would respond by saying "well it took me a while to find my Juliet."  They were great example of love and support to one another.  Grandma Joan treats me as if I am her own grandchild.  I am thankful that in this point in my life I can turn to her for advice.  She will email or text something to me and it will be just what I needed.  My grandma and grandpa have helped me together, each on different sides of the veil.  He was the first to provide light on my entrance into my darkness.  His light was that of HOPE.